Sunday, April 18, 2010

Thus I propose a Modest Inconvenience

“The heat generated inside our planet is predominantly of radionic (nuclear) origin. Hence, Earth in its entirety can be considered a slow nuclear reactor with its solid”inner core” providing a major contribution to the total energy output. Since radionic heat is generated in the entire volume and cooling can only occur at the surface, the highest temperature inside Earth occurs at the center of the inner core. Overheating the center of the inner core reactor due to the so-called greenhouse effect on the surface of Earth may cause a meltdown condition, an enrichment of nuclear fuel and a gigantic atomic explosion.”
- Tom J. Chalko, No Second Chances? Can Earth Explode as a Result of Global Warming? (

Your heard it right folks. We are in the midst of crisis. Global Warming! With all of the drowning polar bears, dying pigs, suffer man (manbearpigs), we are faced with something huge! Something that we must stop or else human extinction will be certain. The Earth is on the verge of exploding from its core! Mr. Chalko reported that the last few years have been the warmest years recorded in history. He also indicates that Glaciers are melting and sea levels are rising, which indicate the coming of the end. Volcanoes will come out from their dormancy! Tsunamis will cause planetary floods! Earthquakes will leave millions in ruin! These factors, while very bad, are all dwarfed by the global warming’s final solution: exploding the core of the earth. You see, the core of the earth is very similar to a nuclear reactor. The added heat from global warming will disturb that process and cause a total “nuclear meltdown”.
Due to the seriousness of this I also propose a solution! I have many steps for this proposal so read carefully (this might be our only hope for survival). First we must get rid of all cars/ buses/ airplanes/ transportation. These monster CO2 emitters must be destroyed to preserve our lives. Never mind travel, Never mind convenience, our ancestors did well without these evil emitters and so can we. Second, we must get rid of all industries! These are also very harmful. In the expense of Mother Nature, we have built factories that pollute and industries that exploit. We must rid ourselves of those bad habits. Never mind your money, never mind your luxuries, the cavemen were able to do it and so could you. Third, We must adopt new habits! We cannot continue growing foreign plants, which destroy the indigenous ones. We cannot continue living in houses that are built through the emissions of tons of greenhouse gases. We cannot continue to wear the cloths that are made from exploiting our Mother Earth. We must also discipline ourselves. Discipline is the key to not turning back to our harmful ways. We must learn to tolerate life without luxury. We must set up new regulations to be sure that we do not become part of the problem. We should never mind these wants, never mind these materials, animals don’t need them nor do you. Fourth, and perhaps the most challenging, is that we have to stop Mother Nature from committing suicide! I am saying fill up those volcanoes that launch emissions into the atmosphere. Stop the evaporation of water for water vapor is a prominent greenhouse gas. Kill all cows, for their fluctuation will speed up global warming. These are the things we must do. Never mind your history, never mind your science, knowledge is something that living things could live without. Finally, for those of you who are too stubborn to change. I also have a final solution for you. Your arrogance could someday end the world. We, those who are rational, cannot risk your presence. We have to dispose all that hinders our march towards survival. This is try or die. Never mind your humanity, never mind your consciousness, otherwise it would be apocalypse from now on.

1 comment:

  1. I enjoy your satire a lot. But seriously Stephen, these are all wonderful steps every American should seriously consider implementing into their lives. Don't you think automobiles are useless and harmful?! There was a time when Americans had never seen the Atlantic Ocean, can't we go back to that? After all, ignorance is bliss.
    I'm sorry Stephen, but Global Warming is a pressing issue and we must act fast! Our earth could implode from all this heat any moment! We could all die! More importantly, the trees and animals could all die!
    You are completely correct. Discipline is key.