This year has warranted more crying, smiling and laughing than ever before. Maybe that’s the problem. There is always too much of everything. It can be overwhelming, astonishing, heartbreaking and surprisingly scary. I learned that sometimes people are surprisingly fragile. Even those I always saw as having an impenetrable exterior and a self-confidence that demanded worship are those that I actually found to have the most powerful emotions. The silent suffering that took place for each of them was worse than that of my friends who felt the need to voice their emotions.
Trust, and who I should confide that trust in, was a major theme of this year. I seemed to start the year off completely wrong, trying to hold on the friendships that were better off extinguished, and in a relationship that should have never been started. However, I’m quite positive I met enough wonderful people this year to overcome the embarrassment of those I mistakenly trusted.
More surprisingly, I was shocked to realize how selfish people truly are. Never before had I been subjected to watching my friends destroy their lives for sex, drugs, or their reputation. Never before I had I thought I would do the same.
Overall, would I do things differently? Perhaps. I feel that while my relationship with my boyfriend seemed to reinforce simple life lessons again and again and again and again, a year was much to long to spend with him, and I should have ended it before school even started. Thinking it over though, there were times as recent as this afternoon when the enjoyment I received from his company merited reconsideration over whether he was worth it. It was all the wonderful sushi and exciting car rides, I swear!
Through it all, my best friend Nick was there to offer what he called “constructive criticism” and sardonic commentaries of my life. He has single handedly proven that, in spite of their scarcity, there are people who consistently have the compassion and patience to be there for another, always telling the truth and then putting up with me when the truth is ignored.
All and all, there were several others that have influenced or inspired me in subtle but life changing ways. Sarah, somehow, is the most generous person I can seem to find. She’s repeatedly taken the time to discuss what’s going on in my life while offering wonderful advice and unending support. Ciara and Rachel may be the most genuine friends I’ve ever had, and it’s incredible that I met Ciara this year and didn’t become close with Rachel until this summer. Tad has also become one of my most trustworthy friends and has introduced me to at least a dozen people that I absolutely adore and Allison seems to be the most grounded, stable, brutally honest person in our class.
This year has been hard, but it’s nothing compared to what other years will bring. I know I’m not prepared for senior year or the looming aspect of college, but we will endure. We’ll all make it through regardless of how many afternoons we must spend dissecting our lives lying out in the soft sun-kissed grass, napping to Death Cab For Cutie and Bright Eyes.
I mean. Unless we all die or something from rancid skittles or cyanide laced tennishoes.