Saturday, February 20, 2010

rant for the week

The rush of college mail inspires hope for your future. Well, most of the time it does. However, right now it just creates a panic about where the future will lead me. I don’t know where to turn to look for the college I should be at. The fact my mother is freaking out as well doesn’t help either. She insists on me working extremely had to improve everything. She acts like I am not already trying to do that.
These college letters were, at first, an encouragement that there was someone out there that wanted me. Now looking at it though, these letters mean absolutely nothing. Its all about publicity and promoting their own little college books and tests online. They don’t want me, personally, at their college. I’m right back at where I first started, not knowing where to look, not knowing what to do with my life. The combined pressure of this and the fact I’m the oldest child in the family is almost overwhelming. I don’t understand why I have to do perfectly in school when my 7th grade brother can’t even write a simple paper. Where’s the pressure for him? He just has my mother doing all the work for him.
This annoying fact just makes everything worse. I thought parents were supposed to treat their children fairly. I had little to no help from my parents as soon as I entered the 6th grade. They told me to go write the paper myself or figure out the problem using the book. I just want to scream sometimes. This leads to anger mixed with the stress of doing my own work. Another thing my parents do is have me do my brother’s work for him. This really inspires a deep anger in me because if I even try to say he should be doing it himself, I get yelled at to no end. They say I should help him because I know what I’m doing. Well how about this, if he did his own work then he’d know what he was doing too! There is no reason he can’t just go look in a book and figure it out! I should not have to help him do everything in life. I can’t wait to leave and then see how he fails at life. Maybe then they would learn. People need to do their own work and learn on their own.
As the first child to leave, my parents have just now realized I have limited time at home. Last year they wouldn’t have cared at all what I did. Now that they see I’m leaving, though, they have begun to try to keep me home and around them. They should realize by now that it is way too late to act like they care. All those past years when they just leave me at home or tell me to get out were perfect opportunities for them. It’s too late now. I’m done. I want to leave them all behind.

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