Sunday, January 17, 2010

Letting People Go

What did I even do this week? I guess the only out of the ordinary thing that happened to me this week was that I went to my grandmother’s memorial service. Yes my grandmother passed away last Saturday. When I my mom called me from the hospital telling me she was gone it surprisingly did not hurt that bad. I know this sounds horrible, but I think it was just that I had had time to work through earlier and I knew it was coming. Don’t get me wrong, I was sad but I was prepared for it. My grandmother had been in the ICU for a month or so and any day it was bound to come. I was close to my grandma and she meant a lot to me. Seeing her suffer was not at the top of my list of things to accomplish in my life and it almost gave me a relief know that she had passed on-relieving her of her pain. At the memorial service though I was a complete wreck and missed school to go to it. I think it was just that it finally hit me that my grandmother was not coming back, and I was never going to see her again. A video was played during the service. A video my sister had put together a few years back for my grandma’s birthday that contained pictures that showed her life through pictures of her and the ones she loved. I’ve seen that video a couple times and it always made me tear up a little even when my grandma was still alive. And so when they played it at the memorial service I completely lost it. I missed my grandma. I was part of the immediate family so I was sitting on the front row where everyone was able to see me and my red, puffy eyed self crying away. My dad spoke at the service which brought back the waterfall, and the meet-and-greet brought it back again. The one thing that annoyed me about the whole experience was when people asked me “How are you?” Umm excuse me? How do you think I am, as I stand here in front of you with tears streaming down my face? “How’s school”, I don’t want to talk about school right now my grandma had just died and I’m trying to work through that. Gosh people.

I loved my grandma and I will never forget her. My family had some rough times while trying to deal with her and take care of her, but we’re family and we’re always there for each other even when people are being difficult. I know she is in a better place now and happier than she ever was on earth, but it’s hard letting go of someone who played such a large role in your life. They leave an empty spot that might never get filled in, but that might be ok because then you’ll always remember them.

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